#the world is a shitty shitty place; don't pretend that this bullshit is gonna change any of it. all you're doing is fucking a person over

[pocketgalaxies]

beau getting so damn pissed about caleb withholding the bowl is so so so SO juicy

[cryotome]

Can't believe I had to go through all these dysfunctional men just to get to the boy that cooks good

I'm finally done with the game! It's been a wild ride with a lot of mixed feelings but now I'm a little sad it's all over (though I've still got some memoirs to go through! Gonna save them for later)

Himuka and Akaza route thoughts, spoilers ahead

Himuka was very sweet. Alas I struggled to see him as a love interest with the design being what it is, and a lot of the route felt like I'm hanging out with a child even if the opposite was true. Still, delving deeper into worldbuilding kept me interested and learning about Himuka's true identity was a trip :'D I did get a little confused with all these godly supernatural things happening and it was hard to wrap my head around all that - things seemed to just go from dire to Himuka just gaining a new body in a blink of an eye and I...don't think i really processed that? Tbh I would've been fine with him not coming back, but hey, it's an otome, after all.

Regarding the bad ends, Sleeping Beauty end really soured the route for me. Involving Hairi in that was just...so messed up.

Frankly, I was very tired of all the sexual assault stuff in general by then and I hated having to face Kanan and Nagusa in every single route as they repeatedly came up with shitty things to do to Olympia.

Hence I was very glad that in Akaza's route Nagusa had his token 2 second cameo and proceeded to fuck off. If only Kanan did the same :v

Anyway, Akaza's route definitely delivered and felt like a reward for suffering through Kanan's (and other guys') bullshit in previous routes. At some point you just want a guy who is cute and well-adjusted and capable and with a tragic curse that is in no way his fault. WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE. His steamy scene was amazing, although it did take Olympia entirely too long to actually consent to it instead of pretend-hating him which has been A Problem throughout the game

Most of the mythology was neatly wrapped up this time, though of course with a lot of GOD LOGIC. It was very much a beautiful fairy tale and I feel like thinking too hard about any of this might ruin my impressions of it, so I won't.

I will say that with Akaza being so keen to bring Change to the island, it's a bit of a shame that his route was entirely based in mythology and GOD DRAMA. It'd be cool to at least have some kind of epilogue about the life on the island improving for everyone. It might be in the short stories I haven't read yet, but with the game placing such importance on social justice, you'd think they'd actually resolve it in the final route instead of just going "and then the sun got brighter"?

Would've been nice to see Himuka's hIdeous form he kept going on about, but again, otomes are all about things looking pretty (while terribly, ugly events transpire)

DOUMA. WORLD'S OKAYEST DAD.

What a fascinating character. I'm not entirely sure his actions are justified (treating your daughter like shit for 13 years and pretending you're not related because PROTECTION? HMM.) but I really enjoyed all of his appearances and constantly wondered what his deal is.

Anyway, I've enjoyed this game even when it frustrated me. I think this is my general experience with playing otome games - constantly wincing and suffering and yet still playing because sometimes a cute tsundere surprises you and, idk, it's just nice to feel something. ANYTHING.

[punkscowardschampions]

Bea & Fraze

Bea: Might just turn the dodgy cooker on and gas us all Fraze: Dramatic Fraze: Let's leg it before then, like Bea: Not dramatic just real Bea: how many card games can we play before it stops raining Fraze: So come on Fraze: I know you ain't put off by water falling from the fucking sky Bea: You think of a reason we need to be out there then Bea: there's no French exiting rn Fraze: Don't need one, everyone's pissing me off & I'm sick of this fucking caravan, so are you Fraze: End of story Bea: And I'm gonna calm you down, yeah? Fraze: You don't need to go into your tactics but yeah Bea: Don't make me laugh Fraze: Why not? Bea: 'cos there's literally nothing funny about being stuck in here with this lot Bea: wish they'd have let us stay home Fraze: Leave with me then Fraze: Fuck overthinking it Bea: Of course I wanna Bea: where are we even going, actually Bea: never mind where we say we are Fraze: Home, another seaside shithole, round the corner Fraze: Does it matter Fraze: If it ain't inside here, I'll take it Bea: [Tess being like help me make lunch or something] Bea: Ha Bea: when you decide lemme know, have to meet you there Fraze: [is the definition of a moody teen rn soz everyone] Fraze: Or you could just come with me now Bea: Sure, when you're the one that's gotta tell your mum no, we'll do that Bea: what's five more minutes of hell Fraze: [Storms out because the mature response like soz if anyone tries to ask him where he's going or wtf cos just gonna be a rude hoe] Bea: save me a 🚬 Fraze: You can have 'em all, my lighter's fucking dead Bea: least you got a valid reason to go shop then Fraze: Cheers for the positive spin, babe Bea: ☀ when there ain't none Bea: I know Bea: been said so many times Fraze: Don't make me laugh Bea: Why not, you're free Bea: temporarily Fraze: 'Cause I'm not in the mood to shout 'free at last' or some shit even if I am Bea: Poor baby Bea: not gonna feel bad for you 'til I've made these kids stupidly specific sandwich orders Fraze: It don't mean you've gotta take the piss 'til then Bea: I ain't Fraze: Whatever Fraze: I don't wanna kick off at you, do I Bea: I know Bea: it's shit Bea: but we can't be throwing tantrums like we're their age, like Fraze: If they wanna treat me like a fucking kid instead of letting me stay home then why the fuck shouldn't I act like one Bea: 'cos I don't wanna fuck some whiny kid, do I? Bea: Think on Fraze: Alright I'll come back & help prepare lunch like I'm some old bloke Fraze: Fuck off Bea: Yeah, that's my type in a one Bea: twat Fraze: What do you fucking want, Bea? Bea: No, what do you want Bea: 'cos not kicking off at me is bullshit Fraze: & you reckon I'm the one who's skilled at turning any shit into a fight, yeah? Fraze: Have a word with yourself Bea: Seriously Bea: I was just trying to talk to you without going on about how shitty we all know this is already Fraze: Seriously, I really like you but you really wind me up Bea: Hardly gonna take that personal Bea: everything winds you up Fraze: Yeah well Fraze: Fucking genetic probably Bea: If you're happy with that excuse Bea: don't seem it Fraze: Well done working that out, like Bea: hardly the enigma code but tah Fraze: Still, credit where it's due Bea: So sweet Fraze: Course, get told that all the time Bea: doesn't SOUND like something your mum'd say Bea: but I'll take your word for it Fraze: So trusting Bea: Any particular reason I shouldn't be? Fraze: Loads but none of them are 'cause of me Bea: Yeah Bea: don't need to take the convo there Bea: do we Fraze: I'm just saying Fraze: I am pretty godlike but I didn't create the world, like Bea: 😂 Bea: You're lucky I don't have friends to send all the stupid shit you say to Fraze: You wouldn't even if you did Fraze: You ain't like that Bea: Lucky you Fraze: Yeah Fraze: You finished these sandwiches yet or what? Fraze: Really fucked your Saturday job prospects if you ain't Bea: Rude but can't say I'm too gutted Bea: if the punters were even half as annoying as my sister Bea: you still want me to come Fraze: Do you need me to say I miss you Fraze: You're meant to be smart Bea: I am Bea: why do you think I'm waiting for you to say it Fraze: Fair Bea: Go on then Fraze: Fuck's sake Fraze: I miss you Fraze: Tell my ma you're going to find me & then do it Bea: Alright Bea: Be right there Bea: where are you though Fraze: Went the shop Fraze: & didn't get banned Fraze: See? So grown up now Bea: Impressive Bea: don't change too much thoug Fraze: 'Course not Fraze: Basically perfect as I am Bea: 😏 Bea: Shut up Fraze: You know you don't want me to Bea: Maybe not Fraze: I've got loads to say to you Bea: Yeah? Fraze: Come find out Fraze: Hear me out Bea: I am Fraze: Good Bea: [Show up like I'm listening] Fraze: [Gives her sweets he just bought cos you don't have to say everything with words and he did miss her & he's sorry for being a dick 99% of the time] Bea: [just happy about this 'cos unexpected and pure] Fraze: [kisses her obvs] Bea: [kissing back with feeling 'cos missed you too] Fraze: [then lights a 🚬 for her cos she said save me one and he ain't forgotten, always listening this boy] Bea: [when it's so needed lmao, 'you're the best'] Fraze: [when you wanna stay in the good books so you telling her how much you've been thinking about her and what you've been thinking] Bea: [when you're pouty 'there's no fucking privacy here'] Fraze: [you can literally see the cogs turning because he's trying to think of where they can find some. 'When the rain stops they'll all fuck off out & we can head back in without being seen'] Bea: ['has to stop eventually, yeah' smiles, 'reckon we can pretend you got lost on the way to your room and ended up in mine or?'] Fraze: [Smiles too because actually likes the rain for the mems and the fact there's literally nobody about. 'Nah but there's no need to pretend you're the only fucker I want around me this holiday, not a secret, like'] Bea: ['exactly, they're not reckoning it's 'cos I'm so special, like' rolls her eyes] Fraze: ['you are though'] Fraze: [Gives her a LOOK and it's not a pisstaking one] Bea: [when you don't know what to say or do so you're just like 'see how you feel when you're not stuck in a tin can with that lot'] Fraze: ['you reckon I'm gonna change my mind, yeah?'] Bea: [shrugs in a 'let's see' kinda way but is pulling herself closer to him] Fraze: [kisses her because he won't & we all know it but ILY curse is trying to get me] Bea: [just about to be like wanna go loiter in the arcades or something when the cars pull up like get in we're going cinema/aquarium/bowling whatever rainy day activity and you're just there like what did they seeeeeeee] Fraze: [is literally 😒 and trying to be like we're alright here cheers but who is listening cos you ain't mcvickers you can't run totally wild without nobody giving a shit soz] Bea: [getting in the car like lord jesus help me, poor Joe, least you have each other] Fraze: [literally fuming because you can't get up to anything like you're JJ unlucky lads so 🚬 out the window to annoy your mum oh boy you're gonna get a slap] Bea: this is wholesome family fun Fraze: Don't Fraze: Fucking hell Bea: you know, have something to write in our 'what I did on my holiday' diaries Bea: 👍 Fraze: There's shit I'd rather be writing Fraze: Even if Miss would rather not read it Bea: 😂 Bea: Might be into it Bea: more likely ring the social but you know Fraze: Place your bets Bea: I feel like I'm Rocky's age rn Fraze: I ain't fucking having loads more days of them treating us like we are Bea: I know Bea: what you gonna do Fraze: I dunno yet Fraze: Loads of time to work it out while we're stuck doing this bullshit though Bea: True Bea: get my thinking cap on Fraze: What if like Bea: Go on Fraze: I was just thinking how much good came out of us watching the kid last time Fraze: If we take the baby my ma won't care what we do Fraze: When it ain't raining he needs to go for walks and shit Bea: That's a good idea Bea: get to pretend we're being helpful Bea: let us do that all we want Fraze: I dunno how I'm gonna get her to think I give a shit about this one but could work Bea: 'cos you're so mature now Bea: probably dash that cig out though Fraze: You want a go on it first? It's gonna be a long fucking day Bea: Yeah Bea: may as well Bea: least we don't have to try and keep this secret and all Fraze: My ma can reckon she's worked all mine out if that's as far as she gets Fraze: [Shameless excuse for her to lean out of the window with him and them to be close for as long as the 🚬 lasts] Bea: Bit better, like Fraze: Yeah Fraze: [At least a small mercy if Fearghal is driving them aside from no annoying kids there'd be some fucking jams playing lol] Bea: [If y'all ain't picking up on these vibes you're dumb af lmao like hello] Fraze: [the looks that'd be going back and forth because stuck in this car and nothing else they can do] Bea: You're so blatant 😏 Fraze: Shut up Fraze: I ain't Bea: and so easy to wind up Fraze: If you wanna see blatant, watch this Fraze: [Does something risky and saucy like boy no] Bea: Fraze Fraze: Bea Bea: What are you doing Fraze: Proving a point Fraze: I can always be more blatant Fraze: & you're just as easy to wind up Bea: Dickhead Bea: this is beyond blatant Fraze: And you ain't mad about it Bea: they'll be more than that if we get caught right now Fraze: Who's catching us? My da's driving & Joe ain't on the same planet Bea: I hate you, you know Fraze: Bullshit Fraze: I know you don't Bea: Okay so I don't but Fraze: But what? Are you gonna try and tell me you hate this Bea: Nah Fraze: There's no but then, is there? Bea: [just gives him a look] Fraze: [Gives her one back] Bea: Are we sure I don't hate you? Fraze: You tell me, babe Fraze: [Boy you better stop, getting so cocky about this sneaking around life] Bea: [When one of you needs to know better but you don't] Fraze: [Makes me lol because ruster are exactly the same in the future, Oh Bea you can't say shit my dear but good luck] Bea: When we get there Bea: come with me okay Fraze: 'Course Bea: I can't wait but that's your fault so Fraze: Much as I like winding you up, I ain't gonna make you Bea: Don't Fraze: I told you, I miss you Bea: You don't need to Bea: we can do this Bea: whatever we want Fraze: I know Fraze: Me & you Fraze: There's nothing we can't do Bea: Yeah Bea: [look of love beech] Fraze: [Gives it back obvs] Bea: [let's get 'em out of this car, how far away is it gonna be] Fraze: [Has anyone ever gotten out of a car faster in their life] Bea: [casual torture of having to wait to pay and go in, so drama] Fraze: [At least that can be masked as they don't wanna be here, thank god] Bea: [the joys of family holidays amirite everyone] Fraze: [There's probably so many people there cos all had the same idea so would take ages] Bea: [least if baby Rock started fussing they could be like WE'LL GO lmao] Fraze: [Good idea guys, get that plan rolling] Bea: I think all of Dublin is here today Fraze: Be harder for my Ma to keep an eye on us then Bea: don't think it's us she reckons will be tryna take the sealife home in our pockets Bea: we're good Fraze: 😂 Fraze: Yeah, we're good Bea: Very Fraze: 😏 Bea: actually can't see through these crowds Bea: how close to the front are we Fraze: [Lols because she's so smol] Fraze: Not close enough Bea: don't laugh at me it's claustrophobic down here Fraze: Want me to pick you up? Bea: Yes Bea: but no Bea: 'cos then I'll just wanna Bea: go Fraze: [A dangerous look] Bea: Stop it Fraze: Easier said than done Fraze: But alright Bea: You're so distracting Bea: I can't look at anyone else Fraze: Don't Fraze: There isn't anyone else Bea: I wish that was true right now Fraze: [Takes her hand for a sec stealthily because same] Bea: [ily curse always just hold that hand really tight and shh] Fraze: [But then let go before any of the kids notice you cos the kind of shit they would] Bea: [y'all shut your nosy mouths] Fraze: [Let's stop being mean and say it's their turn to go in finally] Bea: [when you dash off so fast you look like you're buzzing about the aquarium]7 Fraze: [bye bitches] Bea: [bathroom shennanigans as if people wouldn't be queuing and judging] Fraze: [Thank god they could give less of a shit, no shame ever] Bea: [soz not soz fam/world] Fraze: [Later talking about how he's gonna have a massive aquarium in his house one day cos rich people shit] Bea: ['have a shark, very bond'] Fraze: [is buzzing about that idea shamelessly] Fraze: [The convo obvs turns into what else he's gonna have when he's rich af] Bea: [a convo she can get behind obvs, probably knows what she wants to do already lbr so] Fraze: [control your 😍 boy] Bea: [when you're lowkey having a good time #fakes] Fraze: [Especially because he'd make her share the sweets he bought her earlier none for you though kids #soz] Bea: [so shaded, also don't want your gross fishy hands in the bag tho so] Fraze: [stealing Rocky to trial run this plan because only so much chatting and looking at fish you can do after a while] Bea: [looking like the youngest parents ever] Fraze: [Judgey looks from old people activate but maybe the rain stops for a sec so they can take him outside cos he's 'fussy' and be alone for a sec] Bea: ['When I'm rich, I won't ever go on holiday anywhere where the weather ain't perfect'] Fraze: [When you mean to say you but you say we because in love 'We can like hire an island or some shit'] Bea: [when you don't correct 'cos you don't wanna just meeting it with enthusiasm, 'until we can afford to buy one, obviously'] Fraze: [When you're just grinning because you hadn't even considered being that rich cos lowkey poor af forever & you so happy you're even being nice to baby Rocky, it's a moment] Bea: [he would be cute lbr] Fraze: [when you snuggling him and your bae so you do look like a fam lol] Bea: [haters back off it's cute] Fraze: [giving her so many 😍 like just say it boy, I'm dying] Bea: ['he looks a bit like you when you were a kid' 'cos baby mems] Fraze: [Looks at him like hmmm like he never thought about it cos probably hasn't. 'Ain't as cute as me though'] Bea: [Lols and covers Rocky's ears like don't listen] Fraze: [whispers something hot in her ear while his are covered] Bea: [does that fake face slap thing ('cos you're so scandalized ok) where you use your hands to plant a smooch] Fraze: [some good kissing for a minute because baby Rocky isn't a cockblock] Bea: [real MVP] Fraze: [but then the rain is back so gotta take that baby back in sorry lads] Bea: [mother nature cockblocking, there's probably a shitty cafe they could sit in, share a coke] Fraze: [the fucking mems] Bea: [also a giftshop pls buy something dorky] Fraze: [some stationary for her of some sort cos he's always ripping the piss about homework like] Bea: [get the boy a shark] Fraze: [bitch I nearly screamed] Bea: [when you pretend you ain't but you're so cute] Fraze: [so like mcvickers goodbye] Fraze: [okay but Tommy, Ali & Ro descending upon the gift shop so you gotta stop being coupley af for a sec] Bea: [always having to stop kids buying the most ridiculous tat in places like that] Fraze: [Tommy wanting to get something 'girly/fabulous' and Fraze making fun of him because job as big brother and dickhead] Bea: [just walking away from that situation, lord knows what Ali and Ro are after lmao] Fraze: [I'm just like Joe? Are you okay babe? Where is he] Bea: [does anyone care, 'scuse you] Fraze: [Tess because shameless fave #problematic] Bea: [we get it, he's your easiest child but honey it's because he's bottling that shit up for later] Fraze: [Mcvickers steering all the children away from the tat like come on, the rain's stopped again] Bea: [hit that beach lads] Fraze: [But a minor hiccup of discovering Ali's trying to steal creatures haha] Fraze: 😂 Bea: Probably a crime if she weren't underage Bea: have to hit up greenpeace sharpish Fraze: You know she was counting on those giant fucking eyes and knowing smile to get her out of it Fraze: Get your sister to start crying on her behalf if all else failed, like Bea: Probably a solid plan Fraze: Don't miss a trick that one Fraze: They're basically the Krays that pair Bea: 😂 Bea: with more menace Fraze: Exactly Bea: Some of the shit they get up that your mum tells me Bea: so God knows what else actually Fraze: I don't reckon I wanna know Fraze: Have to sleep with one eye open then Bea: Seriously Bea: not to mention plausible deniability Fraze: Yeah Fraze: You wanna go to the beach with that lot? Bea: Not if you have a better offer Fraze: Easy to bullshit that we're coming but then hang back at the caravan Fraze: It'll be ages before they give a shit we ain't there Fraze: If they do Fraze: And then even easier to say you're sick or something Bea: Yeah Bea: we've done our bit for the day Bea: not gonna be mad if we want some time to chill Fraze: Been the best babysitters going Bea: Exactly Bea: weather providing Bea: owed at least an hour or so of interrupted alone time Fraze: Thinking about that makes this car ride back less of a pisstake Bea: You'll make it, babe 😏 Fraze: I'll survive for you, yeah Fraze: Plenty of room on this floating door like Bea: such a romantic, you Fraze: One of many things about me that appeals to you, I know Fraze: Can't offer to draw you though Bea: Could give it a go for you Fraze: Yeah? Fraze: Alright Bea: Not promising it'll be worth much but you know Fraze: I can promise I ain't gonna sell it Fraze: Won't need the money for our island, will I? Bea: Should probably kick it for your eyes only if we're going full Titanic here, like 😂 Bea: 'course not, heart of the ocean was trashy anyway Fraze: When I buy you jewelry you better fucking not throw it into the sea Fraze: Rich but not stupid Bea: Have better taste than her dickhead fiancee, like Fraze: Not hard Bea: Thanks for the stationery Bea: even if you were taking the piss Fraze: No need to thank me just don't lob it out the car window Fraze: Or into the sea Bea: or at your head, yeah Bea: got it Fraze: You can chuck it at my head Fraze: That's foreplay basically Bea: Hmm Bea: know it was your first time and everything but Fraze: 😂 Fraze: I like buying shit for you anyway Fraze: I can't tell anyone we're together but I still want you to know, like Bea: I know Bea: not gonna forget Fraze: Good Fraze: Don't Bea: Nah, never Fraze: [a look because ILY curse is strong] Bea: Imagine how much easier it'd be Fraze: What? Bea: if it was a normal situation and we could just be honest about it Fraze: Change one thing & you change all of it though Fraze: How we met weren't normal but I don't wanna unmeet you Fraze: Who the fuck would we even be? Bea: Yeah Bea: you're right Bea: must be nice though Fraze: If you wanna tell 'em, we can Fraze: I chose you first & you're not my fucking sister Bea: It ain't even that I wanna Bea: I dunno Bea: fuck being normal anyway yeah Fraze: Figure out what you do want & I'll figure out how to give it to you Fraze: You know that Bea: Just like that? Fraze: Yeah Bea: That's why I like you Fraze: I mean it Fraze: There's nothing I can't do & even less we can't do together Bea: I know you do Bea: and I want you so badly right now Fraze: Then I'll have to make it happen, won't I? Fraze: Can't break a promise that fast Bea: I'm so ready to be alone with you Fraze: Me too Bea: [THE TENSION like soz Joe seriously] Fraze: [hence I'm like he's gotta at least have a clue what's occurring] Bea: [you know, also not an idiot, everyone knows they're basically in love anyways] Fraze: [exactly and they are not subtle especially him at sneaking about in the night/morning] Bea: [foosie moment 'cos what else are you getting away with rn] Fraze: [At least it's not a long car ride even though it feels like forever] Bea: Fuck Bea: what if Joe doesn't go either Bea: he's had a shittier day than us Fraze: I'll kick him out Fraze: He ain't won a fight against me for years Bea: Yes but will that actually work on convincing him Fraze: You got a better idea? Bea: Let me think Fraze: Not stopping you Fraze: Think on Bea: You are Bea: looking like that Fraze: Don't Fraze: Where else can we go if not there? Bea: Okay, so if he won't leave Bea: there's the shower blocks, yeah? and it's got the washing up bit too, so one of us needs a shower and one of us is being 😇 again Bea: barely anyone would be there in the day Fraze: Or I could break into another caravan Fraze: That'd be piss easy Bea: Probably Bea: Risky if the next family shows up, like Fraze: The weather's shit and so's this place Fraze: Other families have more sense Bea: 😂 Bea: alright then Bea: we'll work it out Fraze: 'Course Fraze: It's a plan Fraze: you go to the shower blocks, see how busy they are & I'll scope out the other caravans Bea: Okay Bea: Easy Fraze: Might still give Joe a slap anyway Fraze: Just 'cause Bea: Don't be mean Fraze: Don't be on his side Fraze: He ain't on yours, I am Bea: I'm not Bea: focus on me then, not him Fraze: I will Fraze: Soon as I can Bea: Good Fraze: I just can't fucking look at you right now Fraze: Jesus Bea: I know Fraze: I really wanna do something really stupid Bea: How stupid Fraze: Whatever you're thinking of, go harder than that Bea: Shit Bea: I already know that regardless they ain't gonna leave fast enough or be gone long enough Fraze: That's why I reckon another caravan's our best bet Fraze: We can just stay there Fraze: Even when they get back Bea: I just Bea: want you over and over again Fraze: I told you, whatever you want Bea: let's just stay away Bea: long as we can Fraze: Alright Bea: I hate it when you have to leave straight after Fraze: I don't wanna Bea: I know, it's just how it is Fraze: How it is is I don't ever wanna leave you Bea: Fraze Fraze: Yeah? Bea: I really like you, you know Fraze: I really like you too Fraze: Always have done Bea: Me too Bea: I'm not sorry for kissing you then, when we were little Fraze: I'm not sorry for anything back then or now Bea: Promise? Fraze: I swear Fraze: I told my Da I was gonna marry you, like I was having a man to man chat with him or some shit Fraze: Stupid but like I knew what I wanted, you know Fraze: I still do Bea: You've never told me that Fraze: Like I said, it was stupid Fraze: I was only a kid Bea: Not stupid Bea: but I won't call it cute either, know you don't like it Fraze: It's alright, he took the piss out of me, you can Bea: I don't wanna Bea: and I ain't Bea: we're all stupid when we're kids yeah Fraze: 'Course Fraze: Grew out of it, like Fraze: Basically Bea: Yeah Bea: not completely, I hope Bea: you promised me something really stupid Fraze: nah, not completely & not you Fraze: Couldn't grow out of liking you Bea: Sorry that I ain't sorry Fraze: I don't want you to be sorry Fraze: I ain't Fraze: Only that I didn't tell you before Bea: it's not like we didn't know Bea: it was just Bea: ignoring it for Bea: whatever reason Fraze: It's for them Fraze: But I don't give a fuck any more Bea: They can't actually stop us Bea: anyone Fraze: I didn't want my Ma to get any shit from the social or whoever & I don't but Fraze: I don't owe her shit Fraze: She dodged enough bullets when me and Joe were kids and she knows it Bea: Me either, obviously Bea: I owe her more but Bea: it's no one's business, it's so stupid Bea: we aren't related Fraze: Like I said, you were mine first Fraze: None of 'em would know you if I didn't Fraze: They don't get to tell me what I can do Bea: Why do I like when you say that Fraze: 'Cause it's right Bea: Yeah Bea: You're mine too Fraze: Yeah Bea: It's so surreal Fraze: I can pinch you if you want Fraze: It ain't a dream though Bea: You're an idiot Fraze: A fool for you, like Fraze: That's it Bea: [lols] Bea: well done 😏 Fraze: Smarter than you reckon Bea: You know that's not how I mean it Fraze: You're the only one who don't underestimate me Bea: 'cos I'M not stupid either Bea: and I know you Fraze: You're the smartest person I know Fraze: Not just smart for a girl Bea: You better not call me anything just for a girl Fraze: I just said I ain't that stupid Bea: Clever boy Fraze: 😏 Bea: [let them be there now] Fraze: [thank god how much more can they handle] Bea: [whaddya reckon Joe, stay or go?] Fraze: [if I was him I wouldn't wanna go, no shade boy] Fraze: If there's any shit from my Ma about where we're going or been, shut up & let me take it, yeah? Bea: Alright Bea: but I'll spare some time for thinking up a decent excuse if I can Fraze: Not loads though Fraze: Just 'cause we ain't on borrowed don't mean I don't want it all still Bea: You know I need all your time too Fraze: I know what you need Fraze: Come on Bea: [run off into the sunset] Fraze: [god bless] Fraze: [When you're trusted to go to the arcade because you've been looking after Rocky loads this hol & doing your sneaky shit very much on the low + Joe the shameless fave and responsible golden boy is going] Bea: [get on it with all those fun games] Fraze: [when you competitive af] Bea: [but it's fun 'cos the prizes are crap and the couple who win together] Fraze: [Gotta also win her something like my boo did for me though even if its not as cute as Sunshine] Bea: [big flex] Fraze: [Joe can win something for his girlfriend too, god bless] Bea: [and be having not a totally shit time for once] Fraze: [Lowkey having a good time with your bro cos you can be competitive and take the piss and pretend like you don't like him so no pressure] Bea: [when you're happy 'bout that on the low 'cos not about the awkwardness but not your place to be trying to #fixit, let them be playing some game so you can wander off] Fraze: [killing some zombies with your brother like your my brother & dad] Bea: [enter local fuckboys] Fraze: [When you must be having a good time cos you ain't noticed your bae is gone & you normally would] Bea: [just doing that thing of humouring but not encouraging you know the drill Fraze: [When you finally realise the bae ain't about so you check in #boyfriend] Fraze: Where are you? Bea: outside, having a smoke Fraze: Cheers for the invite, like Bea: You were having fun 🔫 Bea: you could come now though Fraze: I've won now so be right there Bea: Um can you mean now as in right now, not to be dramatic Fraze: What's going on? Bea: [doesn't reply 'cos drama] Fraze: Bea Fraze: [Comes to find her because when does she not talk to him ever] Bea: [These lads being aggro 'cos she's smacked the letchy one] Fraze: [When he's just gonna fight them all on his own cos that bitch like no get Joe to help you boy] Bea: [let's assume he'll hear 'cos squad] Fraze: [just two bros beating up dickheads together like old times, love it] Bea: [ha gotem] Fraze: [this squad are taking your shit squads tickets & money cos deserved thank you] Bea: [get sweets and toys for the kids with those tix] Fraze: [Especially Rocky cos fave] Bea: [no sweets for you baby boy] Fraze: [toy that you'll probably try and swallow though] Fraze: Talk to me Bea: I'm good Fraze: You ain't allowed to lie to me, remember Fraze: So you better not be Bea: Or what? Bea: I'm not not good Fraze: You wanna test that now, yeah? One fight not enough for you Bea: You'll have to go a harder if you want a smack Fraze: You got another one in you? Bea: You taking the piss? Bea: there was loads of them Fraze: Nah, I ain't Fraze: I just reckon if you can swing for me then you're alright Bea: I'm not hurt Fraze: Good Fraze: Don't be pissed off at me for checking Bea: I ain't Bea: but you don't need to Fraze: I know but I wanna Bea: Alright Fraze: You don't need me to look after you but that don't mean I won't, like Fraze: I'm never gonna let anyone hurt you Bea: I said thanks to you both, like Bea: and meant it Fraze: Yeah, I heard it Bea: well then Fraze: Nah, fuck that then Bea: don't make a fuss Bea: I ain't Fraze: Don't tell me what to do Bea: for God's sake Bea: do what you want but why bother Fraze: 'Cause you think you can pat me on the head and then put me back in my fucking box Fraze: Like we ain't so far fucking past that Bea: That ain't what I'm doing Bea: Idk what you want me to say Bea: boys are dicks, end of Fraze: One thing that ain't bullshit maybe Fraze: Jesus Bea: Fuck's sake, not right now Bea: not with Joe Fraze: [Sends him off with the money to get them something to drink a la my dream and gives her a look like well that's that solved] Bea: Such a smartass Fraze: So stop treating me like I'm my thick cunt of a brother Bea: [just makes a noise like 'rude!'] Fraze: [gives her a look like come on cos he knows she ain't chill about any of this] Bea: [shrugs, 'they were just dickheads, you sorted it'] Fraze: [shrugs back 'I don't give a shit about them'] Bea: ['me either'] Fraze: ['I ain't asking about them either, don't act like you don't know that'] Bea: [blood from a stone, soz boy, 'Come on, this is boring'] Fraze: [I hope you've got a sleeve he can pull on because that's the mood here so he can kiss her because unspoken things might work why not] Bea: [when you're going too hard 'cos your mood] Fraze: [when you're letting it happen cos you just wanna make her feel better] Bea: [when you gotta stop yourself from being that person but then you can't even look at him just like 'sorry'] Fraze: [when you pulling the bae closer to you if possible & you do the chin lift thing so she has to look at you because eye contact forever 'Don't. Fuck sorry.'] Bea: [shakes head and pulls away, 'no, it's fucked up.'] Fraze: [Shakes his own head. 'Like I ain't never done a fucked up thing.' Looks at her intensely 'Fuck normal, remember?'] Bea: ['Not to me, anyway, it ain't a free pass'] Fraze: ['I ain't hurt'] Bea: [Gives him a look 'cos using her words against her] Fraze: [Says her name softly and with feeling because I refuse to let you say ILY rn boy I don't care if you wanna] Bea: [Actually looks at him for a hot sec] Fraze: ['What do you want?' Doesn't need to elaborate because he knows she knows whatever it is he'll make it happen so just a look] Bea: [sitting and thinking in silence for a bit 'cos good question] Fraze: [🚬 while he sits and waits but passing it back and forth between them cos #mood] Bea: ['I just wanna- I don't know, for it to not even be a big deal, seriously, that's all I want'] Fraze: ['Yeah but it's always gonna be a big deal to me. Like, if someone even looked at you wrong that's gonna piss me off. Not 'cause you can't handle it or any of that bullshit but 'cause you're mine. End of.'] Bea: [grabs his hand 'but you got to fix it, you got to deal with it, like'] Fraze: ['I told you, they don't fucking matter. You do. And I can't do shit to make this really go away, can I?'] Bea: [laughs like yeah that's what I've been avoiding saying here] Fraze: [Pulls her up. 'Fuck this. Come on.' Cos taking her somewhere else to do something else that isn't this] Bea: ['What?'] Fraze: [Some handholding for Winnie & because it's allowed at a time like this] Bea: ['Just forget about it, okay?' pushing her forehead to his] Fraze: [Smiles at her genuinely. 'That's the plan, babe' & off they go again cos he on a mission] Bea: ['We don't wanna wait for the drink then? And Joe, like...'] Fraze: [Gives her a look like he'll come to us cos cocky forever] Bea: [shrugs and goes with it 'cos why not] Fraze: [Takes her to the beach where it's late enough by now there aren't loads of peeps about considering it ain't peak summer. Chucks a bucket & spade at her that some kid has left behind and lies down. 'Go on, bury me then'] Bea: [laughs 'have you actually lost it or? kneels down beside him] Fraze: [It's that or tunneling out but that ain't gonna shut me up much, like & I've seen enough prison shit to know it ain't foolproof enough for us either' Shrugs and closes his eyes] Bea: ['Not got any insurance I can cash in on, have ya?' genuinely smiling and when he opens his eyes again she'd be leaning over him 'such a dork' and a real kiss] Fraze: ['No point, invincible basically. Do your worst. His eyes widen (in that second before you have to close them again so you don't look like a mental person kissing with your eyes open) because not expecting that and lowkey undone by the realness always a little bit] Bea: [we know what 'bouta ensue] Fraze: [Don't hurry back Joe but do come back eventually cos I care about you babe] Bea: [Oh Joe, this is the worst holiday lmao] Fraze: [I hope he has got a girlfriend and Bea weren't wrong cos needs some happiness in his life damn] Bea: [in my head she probably just fancies him but nothing is being done about it lol] Fraze: [I love my future junkie son] Bea: [he's less of a relationship boy, like he'd have loads of little ones 'cos he'd start and then be distant and not what normal girls want in a boyf 'cos soz not here for your drama he's got more on his mind lol] Fraze: [what a mood, meanwhile I hope you two are gonna wait for him and not fuck off again cos rude] Bea: [when it's gon be obvious like how you sorting yourself out here lads] Fraze: [god bless, gonna have to get yourself to that shower block speedy before he returns] Bea: [look of love forever 'cos ily curse] Fraze: [likewise] Bea: [when you're like 'we should move' but don't 'cos #mood] Fraze: [when you only move closer to her despite knowing damn well that ain't what she meant] Bea: [when you ain't complaining, 'I miss not being able to touch you when other people are around'] Fraze: ['You can do whatever you want. We can.'] Bea: ['In theory'] Fraze: ['In reality, as long as you don't give a fuck about anything except what you want.'] Bea: ['That's the problem, ain't it. We already said, I can't get your parents in shit so...just how it's gotta be'] Fraze: ['And I already said, fuck them. I can always repeat it if it weren't clear enough though, like.'] Bea: [Just looking at him like, we know it ain't that simple, 'how it is is good though- isn't it?'] Fraze: [Gives her a look back like they can't stop us cos true and he knows it. But then gives a softer look & reassuring touch because obvs. 'Course. I told you, I wouldn't change any of it up to now. But that don't mean we can't have more.'] Bea: [big sigh but a weary smile 'cos still happy it's just a lot 'yeah'] Fraze: ['I love you, I wanna be able to do that properly, you know. So I will. I'll figure it out.'] Bea: [just quiet for ages 'cos he said it but you don't know if you should make it a Thing TM so but then you hit him with a 'We will' and the most MOST kiss] Fraze: [let's just let them have a make out moment on this empty beach thank you] Bea: [when you in love aw] Fraze: [don't worry babies you're gonna have it all] Bea: [after a while, have Joe show] Fraze: [thirdwheeling harder than ever but at least he has booze] Bea: [partayyy] Fraze: [watch the sunset kids live your best life] Bea: [but you should probably be back home soon lmao you children Fraze: [you know they gonna be late back and Tess will be like 😒] Bea: [ignoring all those mum texts 'til she threaten on rolling up] Fraze: [I'm cackling, don't test her kids she 100% would] Bea: [when you're gonna sneak away still though when they asleep heheh] Fraze: [god bless all the empty caravans because you're lowkey the only tourists] Bea: [gonna text as much hold up lol] Bea: tonight Bea: you wanna go back out when they're asleep Fraze: Yeah Fraze: Joe might not stay up half the fucking night if we let him neck most of this Bea: He won't dob us in anyway Bea: not saying tell him where we're going but you know Bea: long as they're asleep, that's the main thing Bea: and we don't fall asleep in some random caravan, like 😂 Fraze: You over your crush on him now then, yeah? Fraze: We'll set an alarm before we fall asleep, not that fucking stupid, like Bea: You're full of shit Bea: I never had a crush on him, please Fraze: You better not have Bea: I don't do crushes Fraze: Alright Bea: You don't believe me? Fraze: If I didn't, I'd say you were full of shit too Bea: I don't, this isn't an American teen drama Bea: can see when someone's good looking or not but not gonna write their name on my notebook or something Fraze: 😂 Bea: What Bea: why you laughing at me Fraze: Just thinking I'd be fucked if that's what I bought you all them pens and shit for Bea: Unlucky Bea: don't know what to tell you Bea: still draw you if you like, that's something Fraze: Yeah, it'll be something with with me as your model Bea: Could be Bea: got the height for it Fraze: Keep it in mind as far as future careers go then Bea: Can't be bad Fraze: You're fucked unless you're gonna grow like a foot in the next couple of years Bea: Yeah, thanks for that Bea: twat 😂 Fraze: I don't want all them cunts looking at you on a fucking giant advert by the side of the road anyway Bea: but I've just got to deal, have I? Bea: 🙄 Bea: they're less fussy about girl models height anyway, depending Bea: loads of them are barely over 5'5 Fraze: Fair, if you're hot you're hot Fraze: Not gonna get a fucking tape measure out if you've got any sense Fraze: Not for girls anyway Bea: Less about hot more about clothes horse Bea: no offense Fraze: Depends what kind of model you are Bea: You gonna get your kit off, are you Fraze: Could do Bea: 😑 Fraze: Cheers for the vote of confidence, babe Fraze: Good job I don't need it Bea: You said I couldn't Bea: not gonna stroke your ego over it Fraze: I said I didn't want you to Fraze: I ain't telling you what you can & can't do other than giving my brother the fucking eye Bea: Whatever Bea: I don't want to be a stupid model Fraze: Me either Fraze: Just keeping my options open Bea: Good for you Bea: smart Fraze: Island ain't gonna buy itself, like Bea: You know Fraze: Yeah Bea: [silent drankin] Fraze: [what a mood] Bea: swear whoever Joe got to buy this pocketed some of that money Fraze: Should've gone ourselves Bea: Yeah Bea: no getting pissed tonight Fraze: Do you wanna? Bea: Don't matter Bea: I'm good Fraze: If it didn't matter I wouldn't have asked Bea: Well Bea: either way we ain't Bea: not like I need to Fraze: We could Fraze: Ain't like I've never stole shit before Bea: I know Bea: I've been there plenty of times too Bea: I don't wanna though Bea: was just saying Fraze: & I'm just saying I ain't lost my touch Fraze: In case you forgot Bea: Alright Bea: plenty other ways to prove that Fraze: If I had anything to prove, yeah there are Bea: You're welcome Fraze: Am I? Bea: Yeah Fraze: Alright Fraze: Cheers Bea: 👌 Fraze: [drinking while you give a 'good talk' kinda look lol] Bea: [being like Imma go get ready for bed and leaving the bros] Fraze: [when you can't follow her even if you wanna] Bea: wake me up when you're in or they're sleeping, whichevers first Fraze: You'll hear me Fraze: Don't have to sneak in, only out Bea: Maybe don't wake the baby though 😏 Fraze: I'll put him back to sleep in a sec if I do Fraze: Had loads of practice now Bea: You're a pro now yeah Fraze: It ain't hard, you said it yourself first time we babysat him Bea: Still Bea: don't get too cocky or you'll be on babysitter duties for life Fraze: We've done such a decent job I reckon that's a danger already Bea: It's alright, only need to drop him on his head once and we're in the clear again Fraze: 😂 Bea: Probably be more annoying when he's older if we actually though so you know Bea: just pretend Fraze: It don't matter we'll be long moved out by then & too drunk at every family gathering to give a shit Bea: True Bea: Poor boy is gonna be smothered Fraze: Sounds like a murder plot in the making Fraze: Did you want me to be on board? Bea: 😂 Bea: Not what I meant Bea: we'll be gone, remember Bea: just him and your 'rents Fraze: Assuming none of the others aren't still about freeloading Bea: Give them the benefit of the doubt Fraze: Whatever Bea: Saying I will Bea: not gonna be that much of a bitch and predict their futures for 'em quite yet Fraze: Give it a few more years before you commit to it Fraze: I know how much you hate being wrong Bea: How'd you know that Bea: Never am, like Fraze: Other than every time you've called me an idiot, like Fraze: 'Course Bea: I only ever said it as an observation Bea: not fact Fraze: An observation that's wrong Fraze: 'Cause I never am Bea: Personal opinion, McKenna Fraze: You're last naming me now, yeah? Fraze: My personal opinion is you're full of shit, babe Bea: No one likes a smartarse, babe Fraze: Wrong again Fraze: I'm well popular Bea: Egotistical bastards too Fraze: You including yourself in that? Bea: Was saying no one likes those either Bea: but if the shoes fits, I guess Fraze: When did you get so concerned about what everyone else likes? Fraze: Christ knows I couldn't give less of a fuck Bea: You're the one that's so popular Fraze: What's your point? Bea: You clearly care a bit Fraze: Nah Fraze: Just that impressive Fraze: I've told you that before Bea: God Bea: you're so irritating Fraze: Go to bed then Fraze: That's what you fucked off to do Bea: I am Fraze: Really slowly Bea: I have a routine Fraze: You'd probably get it done sooner if you shut up Bea: fuck off Bea: no one's making you reply Fraze: Just an observation, babe Fraze: & why wouldn't I reply? I'm not the one who left Fraze: Gutted if you expected me to use this time for brotherly bonding or some shit Bea: what are you even doing then Bea: sat in silence? Fraze: Like that's unheard of in this family all of a sudden Bea: You've both had a drink you should at least be able to do smalltalk no Fraze: What am I gonna waste my time chatting shit to him for? You've got that covered Bea: I'm going to bed, remember Bea: that's the whole point Fraze: You're still here though Fraze: That's my point Fraze: Why did you even go? Bea: 'Cos you were playing a game together before all that stuff happened Bea: so you're still capable Bea: that's why Fraze: Fuck off Bea: What Fraze: I don't need you playing games with me to bring about some fucking reunion Bea: Don't make it sound malicious when I'm just trying to fix what I started Bea: we could've still been there if it weren't for that nonsense Fraze: & I really don't need you to fucking fix me Fraze: Jesus Bea: Where Bea: where did I say that Bea: you aren't listening Fraze: Say something worth listening to instead of trying to act like a few hours of him tagging along & me being in a decent enough mood not to kick the shit out of him means any more than that Bea: Fine Bea: Whatever makes you happy Fraze: Don't Bea: Sure Bea: I'll go Bea: Enjoy your silence Fraze: Yeah 'cause I clearly will now Fraze: Fuck's sake Fraze: This ain't about me & you as good as admitted it just then Bea: I know it isn't Fraze: Don't fucking use me to try and make yourself feel better for shit that wasn't even your fault in the first place Bea: All I'm saying is don't let it ruin a perfectly good evening by making everything so serious Fraze: Fuck that Bea: Whatever Fraze: Any more bullshit you wanna throw at me to see if it sticks or can I go? Bea: Go Bea: I'm over this conversation Fraze: At least we feel the same way about something Bea: Thank god yeah Fraze: Never been more relieved, like Fraze: Goodnight Bea: Night, Fraze Fraze: Joe's heading back, if he don't make it, send out a search party or whatever Bea: None of us are that wasted sadly Bea: but will do Bea: what are you doing Fraze: Like he needs an excuse to not be paying attention to where the fuck he is or when Fraze: Christ knows but I know what I ain't & that's following him Bea: True but I figure warm bed tops being vague right now Bea: was freezing Fraze: Maybe Fraze: We'll see if he shows up in a sec or nah Fraze: You will anyway Bea: I'm not going to stand on the porch like your mother, sorry Fraze: I bet he's proper devvo on that Fraze: I meant you'd hear him Fraze: Or my ma kicking off about how late she reckons it is at least Bea: Obviously Bea: but our love is strictly forbidden now so he'll have to deal Fraze: Didn't stop me or you Fraze: He could grow a pair after winning that fight earlier Bea: Fingers crossed, even more obviously Bea: he's here anyway Fraze: Good for him Fraze: You can sleep soundly now knowing it too Bea: You're the one making me check in with you Bea: but sure Fraze: 'Cause I don't want the blame if he didn't show when he was meant to Bea: Alright Bea: bullshit but fine Fraze: Not my bullshit Fraze: Just the way my parents minds work Bea: Maybe Bea: but if you were really worried wouldn't you be here yourself Fraze: It's 'cause I ain't it'd be my fault 'cause I'm gone & so he's then they'd reckon we're together even though we ain't gone off together anywhere in years Fraze: But he's back so I don't have to give a fuck Bea: Exactly, so you're still gonna get in trouble for being late Fraze: When have I ever been home on time Fraze: They never do fuck all about it Bea: Okay then Bea: your night's your own Bea: good luck finding something entertaining Fraze: Cheers Bea: 👍 Fraze: You can go you don't have to sit there emoji-iing at me Bea: I'm saying night it's not a big deal is it Fraze: It's been said Fraze: So it's a waste of time Fraze: Why would you want that? Bea: You think I fall asleep soon as I hit the pillow? Fraze: Clearly not part of your routine Fraze: I ain't that stupid however much you wanna treat me like it Bea: You're being it right now Fraze: Stupid would be pretending I can be alone in a caravan full of fucking people Fraze: So nah, I ain't Bea: Stop talking then, if you really want to be alone so bad Fraze: Stop talking if you're not gonna say what you really wanna say Bea: and what do I really wanna say then Fraze: If I knew that I wouldn't give a fuck if you said it or not, would I? Bea: Suppose not Fraze: But there's something or you'd have put your phone down & left it there by now Fraze: I know when you're done with a conversation, like earlier & when you ain't, like now Bea: I've already asked multiple times Bea: but you don't have an answer so what else am I meant to do but wait Fraze: That's bullshit Fraze: We both know I'm the kind of cunt who has an answer for everything Bea: Not a good one, then Fraze: Since when do they have to be good Bea: since you want me to leave Fraze: I don't Bea: You keep telling me to so Fraze: That's what you want Fraze: Your fucking bright idea to salvage my night or whatever Bea: Well that got fucked however long ago now didn't it Fraze: Yeah Bea: Just come back for fuck's sake Fraze: Alright Bea: I'll meet you Bea: let's just go now Fraze: You know how much shit we could get in for that, yeah? Bea: Yeah Fraze: We can just stick to the original plan, like Fraze: They'll have to go to sleep once my ma's had a go at me Bea: Sure Fraze: Or you could wait for me on the porch, that did sound decent Bea: 😂 Bea: Better than your actual mum, yeah Bea: not much of a compliment is it Fraze: You can take it as one Fraze: Come on Fraze: You know I really wanna see you Bea: You do? Fraze: 'Course Bea: Are you still mad Fraze: You reckon I can stay mad at you? Bea: You can try Fraze: Not gonna for that bullshit Bea: Don't Bea: we'll have a better time together Fraze: Yeah Bea: if we can't go now Bea: at least come to my room just for a second Fraze: Nothing we can't do, babe Fraze: I know you ain't forgot Bea: then do Bea: I wanna see you Fraze: Are you still mad at me? Bea: Only for not being here already Fraze: Timed getting here well then Fraze: Come 🚬 before I have to go in Bea: I don't wanna Bea: [when you mean smoke rn so you obvs come out anyway] Fraze: [When you obviously weren't arsed either because you aren't smoking when she comes out it was just a shameless excuse cos you've had like no time alone today and you know you ain't gonna get long now but you gotta take what you can get before you can sneak off] Bea: [Have at it kiddos] Fraze: [When you just know he's gonna say ILY again because it's out there now RIP] Bea: [dies] Fraze: [When you're having the most intense make out ever like your fam isn't literally right there basically] Bea: [seriously you better hope they ain't curtain twitching bois] Fraze: [not a convo you wanna have rn or ever if you could help it] Bea: [gather your courage to go get shouted at by your mum lol] Fraze: [when you keep having really good 'last' kisses that then aren't] Bea: [no chill ever how have you not been caught frankly] Fraze: [literally only cos Rocky is a baby & keeping everyone busy] Bea: [real MVP wutwut] Fraze: [When you know he ain't gonna listen to a damn word Tess said cos too distracted soz babe] Bea: [when does he ever, or like any of these kids #mumlife] Fraze: [At least he wouldn't be talking back and kicking off like he mostly does you can have that one for free] Bea: [that's your first clue gurl] Fraze: [she'd 100000% think he had a girlfriend just not Bea obvs] Bea: [hawkward] Fraze: [An appropriate amount of time passes for a Tess Vickers Lecture TM] Bea: How was it Fraze: Standard Bea: You don't need comforting then? Shame 😏 Fraze: For the fact this holiday ain't close to over yet, I do though Bea: Are you telling me you'd rather be at School? Bea: Have to get that in writing or the teachers will never believe it Fraze: I'd rather be bunking off with you but if you wanna spread that rumour the teachers'll be thrilled, like Bea: 😂 Bea: I'd rather that too Fraze: Good Fraze: I miss you Bea: I miss you more Fraze: Count to a 100 and let's fucking go then Bea: 75 Bea: final offer Fraze: 95 & we don't come back til morning Bea: Ugh Bea: okay Bea: but don't get comfortable with me giving in to you Fraze: It's more fun when you try really hard not to Bea: Shut up Bea: if I have to count to 95, I need to focus here Fraze: Not like I said do it backwards Bea: can up it if you keep taking the piss boy Fraze: No you can't Fraze: You don't wanna wait any longer than I do Bea: I don't Bea: but you know I will Fraze: Yeah but don't Bea: Then be nice to me Fraze: Keep counting Fraze: You know I will Bea: How nice Fraze: How nice do you want? Bea: well, don't be boring, like Fraze: Wrong brother there, babe Bea: Don't start on that Bea: be telling me I'm fantasizing next 🙄 Fraze: I'm just saying, I couldn't be boring if both our lives depended on it Fraze: Well, maybe if yours did Fraze: For a sec, to save you, like Bea: Very noble Bea: must be love Fraze: Yeah Bea: Okay Bea: that's 95 Fraze: Come on then

[txicgf]

also dear god i hate myself so much right now like i don't know what's telling me my ego is too high right now and the individuality complex is showing and im being too obnoxious and over explaining myself too often too much but i am so much actually i know exactly what is telling me its me because my behavior is annoying by default and fidgety and i overexplain everything and i have apparently lost the ability to mask my emotions properly and everything i say unintentionally sounds like the most pretentious bullshit ever i fucking hate it

ALSO that's another thing and it's completely unrelated and not about self loathing and kind of feels like im proving my point about pretentiousness but holy FUCK all i wanna do rn is binge my list of movies with That Feeling™ with a person and talk about specific directors like fucking nerds and cinematography and shit and pretend like i know more about it than i do ..... im so LONELY and im almost 100% certain id bore someone to death by doing that but man. i just wanna smoke weed and marathon movies w/ someone :////// AND THEN GO ON A WALK

i just wanna talk about poetry and movies and the universe and all the things that that one annoying guy at parties who thinks he's cool because he listens to the smiths and won't shut up about politics would probably LOVE (bc i kind of am that guy) with someone and not feel like shit about myself for speaking i guess. i love talking and listening and connecting with people so much like it's probably a bigger reason i stayed in band than the actual fuckin music ykno? but SHIT now it's like i can't even open my mouth or respond to a text without wishing i never existed in the first place. i don't know how one person can take up so much space by default, its insane how much i am and how high maintenance i am just naturally. and yet somehow that sounds like the most self centered comment to make, huh?

it feels kind of terrible how self obsessed self loathing is. it's like ouroboros,,,,,, you hate yourself so you're hyper aware of everything about yourself and how you come across to others, and then that hyperawareness turns into obsession with how you present yourself, and then youre so caught up in it and self deprecation and negativity that at that point you ARE self obsessed, and that makes you feel like your self loathing isn't real or it's well hidden narcissism, which makes you hate yourself more and then the cycle starts again until there's nothing left in you

anyways im convinced im a self obsessed narcissist whos so stuck in my brain, i don't see the world as it is and instead mold it and manipulate stories and experiences to make myself look better and be the victim because no matter what i have to prove to myself and others that im the good guy, because i have incredibly strict morals to the point where if someone even slightly challenges them i immediately dehumanize them in my head and raise myself above them as some show of my individuality and how much better i am in comparison, as if it fucking matters anything. and if i can't make up or find some shitty excuse for myself? i wallow in that guilt and carry it on my person like a badge of honor, as if me being in pain is anything but parasitic. i broadcast all of my feelings to an embarrassing point compulsively, and then give nothing else to others in return - instead only to vanish until i need something from them again. OR i turn to drugs and avoid the issue until it's so big im literally on the verge of suicide.

im a parasite to others. a blood sucking leech. all i do is take and ever so slightly modify my behavior so i can change the narrative to my benefit. and everyone can see through me, nobody is happy with my game anymore. they're tired of it, of me, of dealing with it. and if they aren't? they should be. i am.

and all of that sounds like the most mentally ill bullshit in the world, and i know at least part of it IS my own delusions because shit. no one is gonna think about me or anything i do THAT hard, nobody is analyzing me like i do everything. but if you were me, you would feel the way i do. pfft if you were my sisters or aiden, you probably would feel the way i do.

part of me hopes maybe its just in my head,,,, i guess. i wanna blame it on a and say that's not how i am its just what she made me believe about myself but i know that if i showed this to someone close to me they would only try to reassure me because that's what you DO in that kind of situation, and when you get down to it,,,, there's a LOT of truth behind it, even if im hyperbolic. i AM self centered, i literally have a history of people pointing out my victim complex, and when ive brought up these concerns before,,,, some have even kind of agreed at LEAST.

even my personal obsession with "getting better" and self improvement is self obsessed and rooted in self loathing. and the whole '"'personal obsession with getting better and self improvement""" is like???? a normal human being thing and that sentence literally SHOWS the need for individuality and to be different. im so obnoxious.

and yet, i also offer: absolutely no solutions! just a constant stream of self hate and monologuing and whining without ever getting any better or doing anything other THAN hurting myself. im constantly seeking out how to be better to other people, how to present myself in a kinder or less intense manner etc but i forget that the best way to be better to others is to be kind to yourself and enjoy yourself because that's what others are attracted to, but i just can't seem to fucjin do it ! so instead, i keep everyone at an arms length and don't bring up my issues and never do anything about my issues ever and never do anything to figure out how to solve them because im useless! or, if i DO get comfortable enough to talk about my issues, i do them in such depressing detail and at a completely emotionally draining length, all the while offering absolutely no solutions to my problems - no high note to end on, no upsides, nothing. just bumming someone else out and then offering no empathy back. once again, a leech.

and im proving my entire point by writing this long. im tired. im gonna sleep

[propshophannah]

I have a weird comment question thing. I just turned 18 a few weeks ago (no surprise. I guess) but it's kinda messed with one of my mantras. Whenever l don't feel perfectly safe (even though l live in a safe area. But even at the grocery or while running or whatever) my mantra is just talking through a situation aka if any guy approached me and made me uncomfortable l could just scream "I'm A MINOR!" Obvi 10,000:1 that'll never happen but it made me feel better. Now I can't do that. Any advice?

First of all, that's brilliant! And you can still do that. People will doubt themselves (she looks 18, but she's yelling that she a minor—we need to help her) before they doubt you. And rapist/creepers tend to go for the easiest target. So if you're already standoffish of making it very clear that you know that they are, that they're making you uncomfortable, and you're NOT okay with that, most creepers will leave you alone for an easier, less assertive target. Never doubt your gut. Your brain will ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS try to rationalize why someone isn't creepy or dangerous. Your brain will be like "he looks fine." "He hasn't done anything creepy." "You're over reacting." "You're being judgmental." You gut, will NEVER NEVER EVER steer you wrong. Listen to you gut. But you sound like you're already good at that. So my next piece of advice would be, always have friends you trust around you. Smart friends who know how to listen to their gut instincts, and who will back you even if they don't agree with what your gut is telling you about someone. Cuz creepy dudes aren't necessarily setting off everyone's creep-dar, right? Creeptron 4,000 might have a thing for blondes, so he might be making my gf feel uncomfortable, but not me. So always have smart friends around who will back you no matter what. Always drive yourself. There is NOTHING worse than getting stuck in a shitty situation because you're not driving. That doesn't mean, you should be responsible for all your friends for the night (not unless you want to be), but make sure multiple people are driving. So if you're like, "this guy is creepy, I'm not staying at this party" you can leave and not have to round up the whole crew. Be assertive. You teach people how to treat you, and your mental/emotional state and body language will get that across to creeps. So be straight. If some dude is creeping on you, or maybe he's being nice but he just won't leave you alone—tell him that. He might get his feelings hurt, might call you a bitch, might get nasty. But that's not your problem, and that's not anything you should feel bad about. I have told MANY a dudes to back up because they're standing too close. I've let them know that it's not okay to buy my food, or my girlfriends food or drinks at the bar. (SIDE NOTE: Never let strangers or dudes in general pay for you. Whether it's the first time you met them at a bar, or it a first date, whatever. You never want a man to think you're beholden to them. Plus, the good/decent dudes will be impressed that you won't let them pay for you. That shit works like candy. Oddly enough.) So yes. Don't let dudes pay for you, especially the creepy ones. This goes without saying, never let them get your drinks. I'd also never let anyone get my drinks. Not unless I'm watching. I don't care who it is. It could be my best friend, but if she's not assertive and alert like I am then I'm getting the drinks or watching as she gets them. Some of my best "leave me alone you're creepy" lines are (all said assertively and sometimes rather aggressively—cuz sometimes Creeptron 4,000 doesn't hear "no" and to that I'll add, if ANYONE does not hear you when you say "no" or when you set any kind of boundary STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM THEM!):Creeptron 4,000 is too close: "You need to back up. You're way to close to me."Creeptron 4,000 wants you to know how you attractive you are: "Hi. You may not know this, but giving a girl your unsolicited opinion about the way she looks really sexist and it's not a compliment. I'm not here for your viewing pleasure. You're not going to impress me with your lack of social skills, and you're not going to make me feel beholden to you for giving me you unsolicited opinion of my appearance."(I've used this several times, and I find that it works like a charm for two reasons: 1. Most creeps lose interest because they don't follow. 2. They know you're smarter than them and they don't want to put effort into creepin. They want easy. Smart ain't easy.)Creeptron 4,000 wants to buy you a drink: "No thanks. I'm good." He doesn't hear your no. "You need to back up and leave me alone. You're not listening to what I have to say and I don't associate with people like that. Goodbye." (Shut it down. And if he persists, I'd play the "IM A MINOR" card, or I'd get my friends and leave, or if you're out at a restaurant, tell the waitress of the bartender. Bartenders tend to be good about watching creepy guys, or getting rid of them for the night. Not always. I find in college towns, bartenders are WAY better at shutting down creepy people than in non college places. But always good to let the serving staff know there is a creeper afoot cuz they don't want to get shut down. Creeptron 4,000 came out of nowhere are scared you: "Whoa dude. Not cool. Don't do that. Not appropriate. You approach me like a normal person you, you don't just pop out of the woodwork." And if you want to take it a step further, and really grab the power in the situation, you can say something like, "let's do this again. I'm gonna pretend like I just walked into this room, and then you can approach me appropriately. Let's practice!"Creeptron 4,000 thinks he can touch you because he thinks it's "playful" and "flirty" (UGH): "Please don"t touch me." Or "I did not give you permission to touch me." Or "And you're hand is where? Yeah, on me. That's a no." Then When he makes you out to be "dramatic" or says you're "overreacting" (😑) you do NOT let him have the power. You call out his bullshit in a calm, assertive way. Something like, "No, sir. Don't you push your embarrassment onto me by saying I'm overreacting or being dramatic. You put your hand on me. Without my permission." If he really needs to be shut down then id continue with excessive examples. Such as: "Maybe in your household men can touch women at will, but out here in the real world we abide by the law. You're not allowed to touch me." (And if they come back at you either then, or later in life and bring up how "oh, Don't touch hannah. She'll freak out." Just own every fucking inch of it. Do not give away your power. You get salty and sarcastic and says with calm and poise something like, "that's right, baby. You learned that the hard way how to treat other humans and women, but don't worry, you're learning."I'm trying to think of other Creeptron 4,000 situations but I can't! But basically, go with the minor thing. It's all about shutting people down so they get scared of you making a scene/calling them out so that they'll leave you alone. Also, never go running at night. Try not to go alone. Don't run with your earbuds in/your music so loud that you can't hear someone coming up behind you. And Head On A Swivel. Always be looking around. Look for the usually runners you see and for the random people you never see. If you think you're being followed, switch sides of the street. Take a weird turn, call/text someone to meet you outside their house or your house. Change your route. Carry mace. And just head in a swivel. Don't look like an easy target for creepers. Creepys/rapists want easy. Most of them will not chase you. So if someone does put their hands on you, fight like hell, make noise, scratch the shit out of them (like Nesta before the Cauldron if you've read ACOMAF). And the second you get free run. Man. I hope his helps. I feel like i have just rambled. But feel free to leave more asks. Sometime specific questions or situations jog my memory better.